Well it has been two months now and yes I am still in pain but alive. I am becoming more mobile but we all know what this means for me. Down time and guilty look on my face. Though it has become so nice to get out once in while with my family and friends truth be told I fall right into the same sink hole back in bed.
I know its only been two months but I feel like its been already a whole year. It doesn’t help that its winter thus, totally cold and depressing but then again if it were summer you know I would be wanting to get out even more. I am stuck in a predicament. It has been so hard to stay down and find entertainment and to be completely honest it gets depressing at times.
I get my self into trouble just being home and wanting to do dishes (can’t stand dishes left in sink), Laundry, sweeping, iron, vacuuming or even trying on so many shirts just because I don’t feel good about my self. ugh!!
On a positive note I am back to work and I am so happy being there. I have had to make some huge adjustments. Having to give up my technique classes and my Mini ballroom team because I can’t dance. I am still over the Youth Team and getting lots of help from other amazing teachers to teach the kids. I love my job, students and every employer I work with at the studio. They have been so supporting and helpful through my recovery. My first day back was full with opened arms but very soft hugs. 😉
I come to work with a pillow and boots on so I don’t slip on ice. It is so hard for me to just sit there and not dance. I can’t wait to be back out there but understanding that if I don’t listen to my body or doctor I won’t be dancing anytime soon. I am forced to sit there and watch my students and others dance. It kills me!! Though, I have to say watching my kids dance they have become so inspiring to me. I see the love of dance in through their dedication and willingness they have for dance. There is nothing better to see a child excelle through dance. I am such a proud teacher. It really makes me even miss it more and excited to hopeful to dance again one day soon. I really need to face the facts and not do anything stupid anymore. I can’t even imagine walking into my next appointment to only find out that there has been no progress because of my stupid choices I have made.
Getting out these days is a process. Here is another trick for you and secret of mine. I don’t take a shower for at least three days. Thus the curls in my hair are only three days old and even if I throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to cover up the huge scar I have on my back or the makeup to cover the dark circles under my eyes because of sleepless night. I just like to “look good” (what girl doesn’t) and for how ever long you may see me, I can at least pretend I am not suffering for that moment.
|Running into good company. My cousin Erica at the mall|
I do find my self staring in the mirror after all that I have done to get my self ready and I can still call my bluff. Let’s be honest again no lies. This journey is tough and I never thought it was going to be this frustrating or hard.
Stubborn as I may get sometimes, I have learned that it is important to accept the help from others. It has been very hard to accept help this “far” along in my recovery. I instantly think that I can do little chores but then having my body completely go out on me and once again back into my bed I go I am left with guilt and needing more help than I thought. I am so grateful for the people I have surrounded myself with. I have such an amazing group of friends and family that have been so helpful through this journey. As one of my close friends mentioned the other day, “there is always a silver lining.” I just need to learn how to accept the help.
|In the midst of everything Enoch did bring home the cold. So to stop my self from sneezing and coughing I looked like this for a good week. 🙂|
|I met one of my favorite bloggers. This is Amber Clark and her blog is Barefootblond.com. She has amazing tips and great sense of style. She is so sweet and amazing to meet.|
|My twin Alisha coming out to enjoy the show with me|
|Nichole the Director and Celeste Fisher|
|Living in Spanish Fork it seems to me that we have all the snow. Don’t you think so?|